Classic Captions Contest: 1998 Mercedes-Benz S320 Edition

Here’s another jaunt at our infamous Classic Captions Contest here on the Redusernab. Is there anyone else out there a giant Benz W140 S-Class fan as I am? I mean, look at the whip above, pure class. When I was in high school, I worked at a local used luxury car lot in Milwaukee where we’d buy, detail, and then sell old Audis, Jaguars, BMWs, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, Lexus- the list goes on.
I’ve always had a spot in my motoring heart for the W140 generation of S-Class, even if all the ones I’ve been behind the wheel of, have been plagued with horrendous reliability issues as told by a Christmas eve display of warning and check engine lights lit up across the dashboard. Before jumping into this portrait combining adrenaline and motoring, let’s reflect on our last Classic Captions Contest with everyone’s favorite Italian people mover, the ’99 Fiat Ulysse. The press photo was well, questionable with a shot of superstition. Here are a four of the winning comments.

“Fix It Again, Antonia.”-Troggy

“The downward spiral continued as the news of her affair went public. First, the limo disappeared, replaced by a minivan. Then the private jet turned into a twin-engine propeller plane. And finally, the ultimate indignity – Her Royal Highness’s matched luggage (sob!) no longer matched.”-onrails

“The stewardess politely rechecked the passenger list before telling Ted that he, with his tiny little briefcase of cash, was nobody going nowhere.”-Lokki
“She knew she was making everyone wait, but she wasn’t going to stop trying until she got a good WiFi signal and downloaded that Prince song.”-Papa Van Twee

Back to the big Benz. While flipping through the expansive archives of press photos on, I paused at this promo image since I too, rock climb. I couldn’t help but begin analyzing every aspect of this late ’90s scene at the local climbing wall. There’s plenty of “Hmm?” thoughts that ascend into my mind. Why are they using exasperatingly long ropes that you’d see sport climbing up the side of Yosemite’s El Capitan? Plus come on chuffers (skiing’s “jerry” in rock climbing), you know you should keep those pricey ropes in a rope bag. Brian, you’re not impressing Lisa and Crystal with your sluggish rope coil draped over your shoulder like a bad ass.
Why is this almost $100,000 premium, full-size Hindendburg on wheels parked just below a rock climbing wall? One cannot belay, with a ’98 S320. One cannot use, a ’98 S320 as a crash pad while bouldering. There’s also so much leaning going on! Brian, Lisa, and Sharon are all leaning on this German luxobarge, which begs the question…who owns it? Use the comments section below to tell your tale.

We the Author:

By day, Robby DeGraff is an Industry Analyst for an automotive market research and product-consulting firm. Based an hour from Road America in Wisconsin, he once piloted a Suzuki Jimny around Iceland for two weeks in the middle of winter. Robby still has his first car, a red 2001 Camaro, a Saabaru with 233,000 miles and a 1981 Honda CB650. Someday he lusts to own a first-generation Aston Martin Vanquish or a Volkswagen Vanagon.

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