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Check You Are Bumper Stickers

Chris Haining November 4, 2016 All Things Hoon 27 Comments


I’ve only ever allowed one bumper sticker on a car I’ve owned. It was on a Saab 9000 and exclaimed simply “Don’t be a dick”. Simple and to the point, though not enough, ironically, to prevent dickish behaviour from the tailgaters who simply couldn’t get close enough. Although I’m not keen on displaying them on my own cars, I’m generally tolerant of bumper stickers, if they’re sufficiently witty or have something interesting to say. Sometimes wit is all they can offer – I’m not mad on for those which serve solely to underline the allegiances or leanings of the driver, but everybody has a right to freedom of expression.

My one solid, steadfast rule, though, is that a bumper sticker should be properly thought through.  The one photographed above has clearly not been adequately scrutinised by either the people who made it, or whoever chose to apply it to their poor, unsuspecting Ford Ka.

If you’re gonna display a bumper sticker, please, please check it for spelling and grammar. What’s the most poorly executed bumper sticker you’ve ever encountered?

(Image copyright Chris Haining / Redusernab 2016)


  • ptschett

    I used to see a car with two stickers that were unremarkable individually, but dissonant when combined: one sticker supported one position on a political subject, and the other sticker supported a candidate who was very clear that they held exactly the opposite position on that subject. The most coherent takeaway I could come up with was “I feel strongly enough in this direction of this hot button issue to put it on my car, but vote for this person that doesn’t agree with me on it anyway.”

    • ptschett

      Also, I have one on my pickup that I thought was self-explanatory, but I’ve needed to explain it twice in just the last month.

      • Rover 1

        Because they don’t understand.

      • CraigSu

        You think you have to explain it now. Wait until it morphs into this:

    • Vairship

      Husband vs wife maybe?

  • Rover 1

    Not the worst, Maybe one of the best?

    • Maymar

      Problem is, in my experience, anyone wearing something to that effect is typically a rolling roadblock who has no business being in whatever lane they’re currently occupying, and has been coddled by overly conservative speed limits into thinking they’re a safe driver and the rest of us are maniacs, while they try and merge on the highway at about 20 under.

      • Rover 1

        While wearing a hat.

        Our local road rules say you must be able to stop in half the clear road available to you.
        If you run into the person in front it’s always your fault for following to closely and driving unsafely.

        • Maymar

          I’m not absolutely saying I advocate tailgating, but it seems like everyone around here who complains about tailgating had it coming.

  • Rover 1

    • If I had this at my working desk, or in my internal email footer, the worst offenders wouldn’t get it.

  • smalleyxb122

    I suppose that technically it doesn’t say that hemorrhoids are acceptable, but it sure does seem to imply it. Why is this person okay with a hemorrhoid on his ass? There is an entire industry built around removing hemorrhoids from asses, and this guy is like “Oh, you’re a hemorrhoid? That’s cool. You can stick around.”

    • CraigSu

      Given that the only place they live are asses, why aren’t they called assteroids?

  • Fred Talmadge

    I’ve only had one, on my SVO “I could of had a V8”

    • dead_elvis, inc.

      I think Rusty was asking about the poorly worded ones we’ve witnessed, not those we inflicted on others.

      • Any and all! The more the merrier! “Your inaccuracy or grammatical ineptitude is our concern!”

        • dead_elvis, inc.

          Can’t argue with that.

          (Gotta admit to a bit of semi-mean-spirited taking the piss on my part; “of” instead of “have” is a serious peeve.)

          • KRM

            Using “could of” instead of “could have” (or “could’ve”) is a common form of “eye dialect” (or, if you prefer, “ear linguistics”), and is incorrect, but completely understandable as when spoken “could’ve” and “could of” sound virtually the same.
            To avoid this embarassing gaff I recommend using “coulda” instead.

          • “Could of” is my pet peeve, too, especially now it has passed from careless writing to actually become a spoken term. Rather than the correct “could’ve” you can now actually hear people saying “could of”. I do, too, but only when I know my irony will be sensed.

            • dead_elvis, inc.

              I refuse to hear “could of”. It grates enough when read.

              • Fred Talmadge

                If you don’t want to read/hear any more bad grammer, don’t read my posts.

                • Its sufficient when I stop reading them a loud.

            • CraigSu

              I can deal with hearing “could of” just don’t get me started with hearing “axt” in place of “asked”.

              • Ah, I could care less about that.

                • CraigSu

                  Aaaand, there’s another one.

    • That’s acceptional.

  • Luxury Lexus Land-yacht

    One of these days, I’m gong to find the white Redusernab window decal I seem to have misplaced.

    It belongs on the 2008 LS460 L.

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