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Long Shots: A Slightly Modified Cavalier

LongRoofian December 3, 2013 Terrible Ideas 23 Comments

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So, a couple weeks ago this olelongrooffan successfully negotiated a new professional gig making a whole lot more money, driving a h*ll of a lot less, and divert out of my life a whole d*mn bunch of business related drama. Plus this olelongrooffan has been able to relocate back to my old hometown, Naples, Florida, an area I refer to as FantasyLand. Yeah, I am pretty stoked about it. However, my permanent living accomodations have yet to gel so I am Residence Inning it until I can find the right spot. As such, weekly visits to one of those places that takes coins to clean my clothes has been required. But it’s okay, its kind like a working vacation (or college) and on this trip I spotted a super cool Cavalier to share with my fellow Hoons should you choose to jump on through.

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When I first arrived and spotted this thing, I immediately thought that my fellow Hoons would enjoy all of the bling this BowTie product possesses. It reminded my of a Civic I spotted a few years ago belonging to a guy who once cut my hair up in the Birthplace of Speed. And like that Civic, something about the front end just didn’t quite come together as the owner thought it might.

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Now this olelongrooffan will readily admit that I am not up on the latest pop culture but what the h*ll is this thing on the side of this 4 banger supposed to be? 

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I tried to gather a glare free image of the interior and this is what turned out the best. But my fellow Hoons get the idea. Black and yellow are definitely the predominate themes throughout, including the trio of gauges on the “A” pillar. Also Hoons, take note of number of slots on the shifter lever.

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And out back absolutely nothing on its appearance was missed. Factory wing and then that awesome spoiler up top. Dual fart can exhausts and a NASCAR license plate just topped it out.

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And the driver’s side was just as tacky as the passenger’s side. Note the black rubber antenna yet? But I do have this to say about that, those wheels are so bad after all.

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Now what are these fins down low on rear end of it supposed to do? 

 Image Copyright Redusernab 2013/longrooffan

  • Felis_Concolor

    The various bits and bobs are executed well for the most part, although without hearing it start up I have no idea whether its exterior appearance is just for show or a warning that the contents are truly poisonous. I do like the – cyber knight? – graphic adorning its flanks.

    With such a huge bumper shelf as displayed by that body kit, I'm hoping for a variation to feature the bumper airfoil design as seen on various TVR offerings.

    • Maymar

      Given the auto shifter, I wouldn't put money on this packing much more than 120hp. I suppose there's the off-chance it's got the 2.4 with automatic (I know you could get those in the sedan, and I suppose the power windows could suggest a higher spec model) which would put it at 150hp, stock.

  • jeepjeff

    To ignore the elephant in the room, those fins low on the back are a rear diffuser. They're supposed to smooth the air exiting out the back from underneath the car. Smooth flow underneath and out the back paired with a dam up front makes for more down force.

    Will those actually work? Eh. Probably not noticeable at traffic speeds if it helps at all (they look like they were designed for style, not with a wind tunnel). Also: the panel gaps make the all the aero bits look truly ridiculous.

    • krazykarguy

      I think that the 'fins' on the 'diffuser' are part of a 4-pack of stick-on shark fin 'antennas'.

      This guy already used one on the roof, now what to do with the other three?

      Also, any sort of Asian script on an American car is worthy of the double facepalm:
      <img src="; width="600">

  • x0ph3r

    That's the same graphic as the supra in the original fast and furious I believe. The pointing bit. Not sure if it's exact but sure reminded me of it.

    • drshimmies

      It most certainly is! I think it's a knight holding a lance. A lancer, if you will.

    • Preludacris

      I showed these pictures to a friend and he said there are graphics from three different Fast & Furious cars stacked here.
      Impressive if true!

  • MVEilenstein

    I think my favorite part of this car is the fact that he managed to misalign and misapply every single body panel. That almost takes skill.

    Sorry to hear your job down south didn't work out, or the gig with your lady friend. Selfishly, I hope that means we get to hear more from you and see more cool stuff.

    • MV..while the stairs and rails job had it's ups and downs, it lead me to my new gig and this gig is perfect for my personality and I am "home" again. Nothing to be sorry about but thanks for the thought. And no matter what, this olelongrooffan will always Celebrate Life.

      • MVEilenstein

        Ups and downs . . . I bet you told that one a lot! LOL

        I think I speak for a lot of us when I say thank you for choosing to always Celebrate Life.

        • 66Mustanger

          Amen. A day with time to check the 'verse is a good day. Love all the postings. But day with a post from olrf on the 'verse is day-made. Bonus. Extra point. Keep smilin'!

      • Alcology

        You do certainly lead an interesting Life to Celebrate!

    • jeepjeff

      I called out the panel gaps in my post, but, honestly, I didn't think it was particularly worse than stock…

      • MVEilenstein

        Good point. It is a Cavalier, after all.

  • Slow_Joe_Crow

    I think the owner of vehicle is a legend in his own mind.As near as I can tell the only ricer cliches he missed are the single wiper and the TRD windshield banner, because Toyota sold Cavaliers in Japan.

    • Rover1

      Unbelievably they were sold as upmarket alternatives to a Carina/Corona,i.e. like a Lexus is now. Whoever first thought of it at GM has no doubt won a bet involving free drinks for life or something like it. Ironically, the average amount of time to re-fettle each car and bring it up to JDM standards on arrival in Japan was about the same time to build an actual Corona/Corolla from scratch. Still it has left us a memento…
      <img src=";

  • It's done fairly well, for what it is, meaning it's on the good side of hideous.

    Simply removing the stickers would help a ton, but then the silly fender vents and the various splitters and blades on the nose would look that much more silly. Had they stopped with the wheels they would have ended up in a better place.

  • Stroker Ace

    Garbage In, Garbage Out ! Owner should be charged for litterin' and creating a nuisance ! Definite compacter fodder.

  • Pass the eyebleach, please. $kaycog – emergency! Beautiful automotive (+ 80085) images, stat!

  • humblejanitor

    Where's Jeremy Clarkson to blow this thing up?

  • rennsport964

    This is awesome, because what every front driver needs is extra downforce on the rear wheels.

  • cruisintime

    47net is a design group for the WWW.

  • Paul

    The logo on the side is a copy of the logo on the side of Paul Walkers Toyota supra in the first fast and furious movie.

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