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That’s It, You’re Grounded – 1990 Volkswagen Jetta

Out on a Sunday afternoon stroll, I noticed this desperately low Jetta that had crawled up to a curb. ’80s German cars still have it tough in this town, with a number of jokester tuners dropping their ride heights and plastering wood vinyl on them; this Jetta is free from adornment but is hugging the pavement.

Thing is, it’s so slammed it probably can’t move too well. On the icy parking lot, it looks like a beached whale. With pink nipples.

Like the sticker on the back says, the Jetta is a Flair model. Those were the run-out edition before the 1992 Vento (Mk3 Jetta), and had the 1800cc engine together with better specification including her seats. I’d love an unmolested one in this ice-blue colour; perhaps just the tastiest Pirelli wheels would add some flair there.

I’m getting the vibe the Jetta’s grounded itself and been abandoned for a while. It sat there the next day too, with a parking ticket under a windshield wiper – and the kick dent on the fender could be the result of frustration at the Jetta having rendered itself immobile.

The wood-rimmed steering wheel is actually a nice touch. It totally does not suit the Jetta, but I imagine it’s nice to behold, if not hold – could be cold. There’s also a Beastie-y VW emblem hanging from the mirror.

The cigarette packed nestled under the plate – itself probably acting as a scrapeguard – notes how low the plate hangs.

There’s not much rust on the VW, but the driver’s door has accumulated some and shed its trim piece in retaliation.

The edge of the widened steel wheel is stretching itself far out from the body, perhaps in a bid to become a part of another car.

In case the pink-nippled, beached whale was too unpleasant an image to be bestowed on you, here’s a nice blue Toyota Hilux to help cleanse your mind, soul and palate.

It also rides comfortably higher up than the V-Dub; not a bad thing on a cobblestone street.

  • They see me areolan, they hatin'.

  • Van_Sarockin

    Please, make the bad man stop. There was time to paint the hubcaps pink and tint up the windows, but not enough to replace the rub strip. The license plate has it right – (FT) MFL.

  • That Hilux appears to have gotten tired.

    • Tread lightly there…

  • Fester812

    Someone should explain to the people who are into this style (stance, hellaflush, slammed, whatever) that modifying you car in a way that makes it LOOK faster, but actually makes it slower, is no better than an aluminum wing on a Civic.

    It's called suspension geometry. There's more to it than just static camber and toe. Google it.

  • This pleases me.

    It is reassuring to know that it is not just Americans that can fuck up shit, but people all over the world can do it, too!

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

    The brass sheet metal screws on the front bumper cover trim tell me that the cigarette pack was not always there, poor Jetta.

  • OA5599

    It's probably a good thing this car is stuck. I can't imagine that a tire that narrow would stay seated on a rim that wide when cornering hard.

    <img src="http://redusernab.info/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/slammed_1990_jetta_10.jpg&quot; width=500>

    • Fester812

      The fastest FWD VW autocross car I've ever seen ran it's tires stretched like that.

      Of course, they were $$$ Hoosier autocross tires and $$$ Revolution wheels and they never saw the horrors of public roads.

  • dukeisduke

    I see the problem – the horseshoe is on upside down. They're supposed to be placed with the ends up, so the good luck doesn't fall out.

    • Alcology

      They're there to keep the fairies away.

  • When I was in high school in Orange County in 1990, all the cool kids had these new Jettas.

    In other news, I drove by a VW Harlequin last week. I just googled it. Had no idea there were less than 270 of them, ever!

  • Fester812

    I've noticed a lot of cars get that dent above the front wheel. Every Datsun 510 I've ever seen (that hasn't had body work done) has had it.

    I think it comes from someone leaning on the side of the fender when working on the car. Right above the wheel is a stress concentrator, so even if you lean hard on the front of the fender, the dent will appear there. Obviously cars with smaller gauge sheet metal will be more prone to the dent – thus it mostly appears on low end sedans.

    • FuzzyPlushroom

      I was going to mention that none of my Volvos have had such a dent, but you've already explained why.

  • Savant_Idiot

    That brass screw should be replaced with a black drywall screw to blend in…

    Just sayin'

  • Nice little money earner, this. Buy a scruffy twenty year old end-of-life Jetta for £250, "Ratlook" it (pour a bottle of Nitromors over the bonnet, stick a roof-rack on top and do something daft with the tyres, wheels and suspension), then you can stick it on eBay and sell it to a spackmong knobjockey twatpile for many thousands of quid.

    • Ah, that's what I'm doing wrong. I've never made money getting rid of a car.

      • "Buy high, sell low"; the motto emblazoned on our family crest.

      • It's probably that we should ask for quid. Sounds like you could ask more.

        • I've discovered that "rare and unusual" is not necessarily synonymous with "valuable." "In poor shape" turns out to be predictive of "expensive" which, alas, is not quite the same thing.

    • Smells_Homeless

      In other news "spackmong knobjockey twatpile" is going into regular rotation in my vernacular.

      • I'm reminded of the last comparison in this list:

  • craigsu

    Those pink caps on the Jetta make it look like it's on the verge of a Hello Kitty outbreak.

  • Ölmotor

    Summer tires on Finnish ice???

  • TDI_FTW

    If the rules in Finland are similar to the ones in Holland, it's illegal for the tire profile to extend beyond the car's exterior. There's no rule for the rims though. It looks ridiculous and I don't understand what purpose it serves either. I think it's good this thing got stuck 🙂

  • RegalRegalia

    If there's no wood on that hood the car's no good.

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