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Redusernab Classic Captions – The 1992 Geo Tracker Edition

Jim Brennan October 17, 2011 Redusernab Classic Captions Contest 57 Comments

It is now the third Monday of October, which means it’s time for another Redusernab Classic Captions Contest. Would believe this is the sixteenth week for this particular feature in which I search for some classic automotive advertising and brochure images from around the web, to which you have to to provide some witty commentary to match the image. Based on the number of captions entered last week, there are still a few of you sitting on the sidelines, so what are you waiting for?

Last week, the Classic Caption Posting illustrated a group of people looking into a Pinto, and there were less NSFW comments than ever this time (Bravo!) There were a few captions that were bordered on the macabre, and at least one that tied the caption into the Columbus Day Holiday. There were at least five of you that provided witty commentary, and I wish I could highlight all of them. Let me say that , engineerd, , and were all so very close, but it was who took the prize for this classic comment:

Narrator: We’ve secretly replaced this car’s transmission input shaft with Folgers Crystals. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. It is a Post Card image for the 1992 Geo Tracker featuring a couple of surfer dudes that can only come from the 90s. One guy is a buff blond, and you can almost hear the “Valley Guy” slang emanating from his mouth. The other dude is in a body suit in fluorescent colors ready to tackle the waves. I can almost hear you guys comment about how cute a couple they make, or that they will be riding something other than the waves, but please try and refrain from the cheap shots. After all, this isn’t

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption of this image. The editors will then go through all the entrants after watching like a dozen times, and then after consuming copious amounts of pizza and alcohol, we will then award a winner the award.

Lead Image courtesy of

  • "Man, I am so sick of neon colors. How long is it until the millennium, again?"

  • Devin

    Chad attempts to lure Sean into his boy band. While initially intrigued, a casual mention of "making [Sean] come tonight… over to [Chad's] house!" has the young man concerned.

    • Devin

      At this point I should probably admit to hearing the hilarious Canadian boy band B4-4 on the weekend and having the song in my head, since the joke makes no sense otherwise.
      [youtube 97CtEReZEaQ youtube]

      • I watched that. And now I must hurt you. Not today, and maybe not soon, but someday, somewhere. When you walk through dark alleys, I will be that rustle in the shadows, the chill that makes the hairs on your neck stand up, the eyes you can feel watching you. When you least expect it…expect it.

        • Devin

          If that incites you to violence, I can't imagine what this will do:

          [youtube Dww9UjJ4Dt8 youtube]

          • tonyola

            Two German cars and a Japanese car. Now toss in a Ferrari and they can call this Axis Pop.

            • Devin

              I think there's a Lambo in there later on. I'm not watching it again to confirm.

              • tonyola

                Heh, you made it farther than I did apparently. Brave soul with a strong stomach.

          • It's much more bearable when you can't understand what insipid lyrics they're singing.

            • Devin

              Well, I've run out of bad boybands, so you win this time.

              • Oh, but there's an inexhaustible supply of K-pop out there. My favorite one is this multi-lingual ode, with subtitles in inexplicably in the same language of the particular verse. Huh?

                [youtube 3K0Wujwwnaw youtube]

                • I'm pretty sure I've mispoken. The singing is Korean and the subtitles are Japanese, except for the English parts. Which makes a bit more sense. Well, more sense than the part where the space-flower gives birth to the giant K-Y Oscar statuette.

                • Devin

                  Since I clearly can't be outdone, here's whatever this is.

                  [youtube P7gcRdmka7U youtube]

                  • I think we're entering the realm of mutually assured destruction. From here on out it's a lose-lose proposition.

                    • Devin

                      Asian pop music, the deadliest weapon.

      • Alff

        Pearls, earrings and a bad dye job. I'm pretty sure the one in black is my Aunt Lorna.

    • FuzzyPlushroom

      I thought this was Charles until I read your name.

  • Feds_II

    [TITLE]: Saved by the Family Matters. An epic crossover series.

    [SCENE]: A beach in Bayside, California. Zack Morris and Steve Urkel stand behind Mr. Belding's "borrowed" Chevy/Geo/Asuna tracker. A surfboard protrudes from the rear of the vehicle.

    [Z. Morris]: TIME OUT. I can't believe that Stephan Urquele, the guy who helped Slater beat Valley at the wrestling tournament AND helped me get back together with Kelly after she caught me kissing Lisa, turned out to be clumsy old Steve Urkel all along. And now he's crashed a surf board into the back of Mr. Belding's new Tracker. Which we were raffling off to pay for the damages to the gym after I used it to hold a sit in to save the dolphins in order for Screech to impress Violet. Well, at least he looks smart. Hopefully he can come up with a way to fix this mess. TIME IN.

    [S. Urkel] DID I DO THAT?

    [END SCENE]

    • Scandinavian Flick

      Absolute gold. Well played!

  • Dude, should we hit up the Maui & Sons shop or the Quicksilver shop?

  • Get your boards waxed up, grab a stick of Juicy Fruit, the taste is gonna move ya!

    • I totally owned myself on this one. I can't get the stupid Juicy Fruit jingle out of my head.

  • njhoon

    While making the pilot to a low budget copy of Baywatch, Sean and Gus joked about the hang time and the crappy Tracker they had. Little did they know that some enterprising souls from NJ would take it to the extreme.
    [youtube JM3vOzq8fCY&feature=related youtube]

  • pj134

    Hey kids! Can you circle the five things in this picture that have recently been waxed?

    • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

      Oh oh oh I know, the tires, cause they have no sand sticking to them! Right?

  • Mr_Biggles

    We've purposely adjusted the colour and contrast of this picture so that it is seared into your retinas. The healing process may take upwards of a few weeks. In the meantime, can we interest you in a new Geo Tracker?

  • Devin

    Bros before Geos.

  • tempesjo

    Psst, bro, you look a little awkward. Take tip from a veteran model: You've got to hang loose when you're sucking in your gut.

  • Tracker? I barely know her!

  • themagicboltbox

    The 1992 Hardy Boys reboot was doomed from the beginning when the producers couldn't convince Phylicia Rashad (as Aunt Gertrude) to go surfing.

    • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

      You beat me, I came here to comment with: Catch the all new adventures of the "Hardy Bros" everyday after school at 4:30PM on WPWR POWER channel 50!

    • FuzzyPlushroom

      I remember references to Frank and Joe's convertible, but somehow I wasn't picturing this.

  • skitter

    Even if the picture always looks better than the parts in the box, this model kit will sit on the shelf for a long, long time.

  • Alff

    "Dude, I thought you brought the Sex Wax. I guess we'll have to go surfing instead."

  • Baywatch: Neon Lights

  • Paul_y

    To much 90s cliches, can't brain this.

  • scroggzilla

    A rare photo of Nick Rivers and Chocolate Mousse on the set of the Skeet Surfin' video

  • "So then he says to Johnny Utah, 'Where am I gonna go? Cliffs on both sides! I'm not going to paddle my way to New Zealand?', totally righteous!"

    or

    Although well funded by Geo, the made for television Saved by the Bell/Arsenio Hall Show crossover movie Zach and Arsenio Surf Malibu: Out of the Dog Pound was a dismal ratings failure.

  • vwminispeedster

    Question: What is Ricky Henderson doing trying to steal first base in a wetsuit while on the beach?
    Answer: Ricky Henderson is being the best Ricky Henderson that Ricky Henderson could be.*

    *I can't find the video where Ricky Henderson is speaking heavily in the 3rd person but it is hilarious and the basis of this comment. Ah, back when the A's were good.

  • $kaycog

    "When you said we were going to ride the waves, I thought we were going to the naval base."

  • Scandinavian Flick

    Looks like Geo has the diversity covered. I mean, look at it: They have black, white, pink, yellow, green, sunburn… All in one melting pot of glorious American coming out together picture.

  • B72

    Do these pants make me look fat?

  • Smells_Homeless

    And that was the last time Captain Picard let Geordi choose the day's holodeck adventure.

  • tonyola

    "Hey bro, I bet you really pull the babes with this!"
    "Er, not exactly. Now can you rub some Coppertone on my back?"

  • P161911

    Oh man! David Hasselhoff passed out in the back of the Tracker AGAIN!

  • –Dude, look at those people down the beach crawling all over that Pinto!

    –Man, I bet they didn't realize twenty years later that car would make them look so pathetic! 'Course, their outfits don't help either….

  • ptschett

    I'm tempted to reuse my winning comment from last time around for extra lulz, but I won't. Maybe I'll have something better when I'm not trying to figure out just how TeamCenter AE wants the sacrificial fowl to be cut up and laid on the altar so I can release my darn parts.

  • suju89

    GEO – It's for the bros bro!

  • Rockford_Brodie

    "Oh, crap, I'm late for the Cult Of Personality video shoot, and I won't have time to change. I'm gonna look ridiculous!"

    "Don't sweat it dude, I've got a tuxedo jacket you can borrow."

    [youtube 7xxgRUyzgs0 youtube]

    • Paul_y

      Despite Living Colour being an otherwise forgettable band, this was a great song.

  • McQueen

    "Yo dude check out that poser in that crappy Suzuki Sidekick , good thing you bought an American 4×4"
    "Ya man good call dude"

  • Van Sarockin

    "Geo's before ho's!"

  • Number_Six

    "…and she shows her hoo-hoo and stabs a guy with an ice pick!"

    • FuzzyPlushroom

      "…No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you… sounds like you just got an ice pick in the forehead… AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD!"

  • Charles_Barrett

    "Tonight, on True Hollywood Stories: RuPaul's first development project for the fledgling Logo network, Gaywatch, suffered from a low budget and predictable, if handsome, casting. It wasn't until he hit upon the gender-bending Drag Race concept that he had a ratings hit…"

  • In the '60s, surfers got around with woodies.

    In the '90s, surfers got around with woodies.

    #blamecharles

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