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The WTF Files: ’79 Toyota Wooden Truck

Alex Kierstein August 24, 2010 All Things Hoon 17 Comments

Your eyes do not deceive you.

It’s a rare occasion in this line of work that, in that teeming sea of madness that is eBay Motors, an ad actually causes you to do a double-take. “Is that a coffin or is it the Unibomber’s cabin? An unfinished Amish buggy? Wait, am I having another acid flashback?” I don’t have any answers for you, dear reader. Just a quixotic mass of varnished pine and a stringer of saliva escaping my uncomprehending face. Plus there’s a bonus pointless poll after the jump! Make your voice count on this important issue!

Bed not only fits a sheet of plywood, it IS a sheet of plywood!

eBay probably contains 99% of all wooden-bodied cars ever produced. There’s that that’s been making the rounds since Henry Ford was in diapers, for example. Now there’s this … this THING, created in an unholy (Mad_)science experiment not unlike those mice running around with human ears on their backs. Under the magnum opus of a North Carolina cabinet maker lies the heart and bones of a ’79 Toyota truck, 20R and all. The tugboat-bridge-style cab is emboldened by what I can only assume to be the quilted velour fabric stolen from a bordello’s fainting couch out of a 1960s spaghetti western. It begs for a “My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter … Really, His Name is Ira Weinberg And He Made This” bumper sticker and a hand-crafted 1:25 model carved from driftwood that you force everyone to admire.

Doest thou pine for it?

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  • -I'd be keeping the gas-axe away from any work on that thing.

  • That's rare in the USA, the Toyota Splinter was JDM only.

  • Built in 1979, back when Toyota vehicles were solid instead of masquerading behind a thin veneer of quality as they do today.

    • Name

      Toyotas solid? LMAO thanks that's the best laugh I've had all day.

  • I love it. I don't want it, but I want it to come to a parade in my town, soon.

  • It's neat, but I don't pine for it. Maybe if they spruced up the wheels and tires, but I can't say fir sure.

    • Han_Solex

      Your comment is Oak-Kay by me.

    • zaddikim

      Can't say that I wood oar wood knot, butt the design certainly has barked up someone's tree, going by the vote results.

  • retro

    Is this that Prius again?

    • fede

      I think this is prettier

  • I just want to be able to say, "That'll sand right out."

  • Lex

    Look, no more rust!

  • Never smoked in…

  • smokyburnout

    How did they resist the temptation to write "HARDWOOD" on the tailgate?

  • Thank you! Thank you very much. I'm here all night.

  • So we had woodies, and station wagons with Colonial Oak Woodgrain down the flanks. If the owner of this put a metal effect down the side, would the universe implode?

  •  Black hat: Step four: Open a hot water faucet located near the hot wat

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